Variety of thoughts, pt. 2

time, duration
One of the things I'm forcing myself to realise is that time isn't real. I'm not trying to deny the reality of time: it is passing. But what I'm trying to resist is giving too much value to a particular stretch of time. No minute, hour or week is the same. To frame something as a bounded amount of time gives a false sense of comfort or despair.

It's one of the double-edged swords of technology: the ability to measure time can be useful for a lot of processes, and be detrimental for others. It creates the illusion that time can be controlled, when it is simply a way to categorise a process. All things take time, but it is not time that makes things. It's the heat that transforms the batter into a cake. A person is not the batter for a cake to be baked; it's a complex organism that cannot be reduced to a recipe. I need to brush my teeth for two minutes, but in other ways it's relatively meaningless to compare "my time" to other people's time without considering a million other factors.

We can't manipulate time, only our perception of it. When I go for a run, and time feels like it is moving slower (research backs this up, I think it is in part due to increased heart rate = more "moments" in a period of time) I try to think about things which require slow and careful consideration, such as the philosophy of Kant, or the beauty of the earth. If I want time to pass without noticing I have to try to achieve the elusive state of 'flow.' It's essential to be acting. It feels like that's when I'm in my head the most: I'll contort my body in strange ways to continue what I'm doing. At some point my body communicates to me, you need sleep, your back hurts, perhaps have some food. Is sleep a state of flow?

Which brings me to another aspect of this thought: the biological clock. Things happen in bodies, it takes time. Today's obsession is trying to fit our existence within a specific time frame. You need to sleep at this time, eat now now and now, do not do these things at this time, do do these things at that time. Experience is reduced to time-controlled facts. One time I went on a date with a guy who had to learn from his "smart ring" that not eating directly before you go to bed is beneficial for your sleep, and it just perplexed me: do you not listen to your body, do you not observe yourself? Why are we looking so hard for some framework to fit our experience in, when experience is right there?

Sometimes I fantasise about running away to nature & away from all technology, specifically from all clocks. When would I feel like sleeping? Like eating? How would I experience time, in relation to my body, to the sun and the moon? I can only dream.

There are many proverbs about time. It's something humans struggle with, and thus require wisdom about (note to self: perhaps a fun project for analysis, see what are the most common topics for proverbs, potentially across different languages?)

stillness
The one quality time cannot embody. I feel like it's defined by it's opposition. No-one admires a snail for it's stillness. It's another concept which evokes a meditative feeling. What does it mean to be still? I imagine a duck in a stream, going with the flow. A large abstract painting. Sitting still. A quiet church. I struggle with stillness. It's so easy & extremely difficult at the same time. I want to meditate more.

If I could travel back in time, I would love to be at the premiere of John Cage's 4′33″​. I would love to experience it in a room full of people. Does anyone know what's going on? What is the effect of it? Did people clap at the end of it?

listening
The difference between listening and hearing. Listening is more active. Does it take more 'energy'? I feel like we rarely consider how much energy it takes to use the different senses. I used to always listen to music while I was cycling or walking by myself. One time I was travelling for a month and I made the active choice to not listen to music (unless I was visiting the grave of a composer, I wanted to connect to them through their music.) It was an extremely refreshing experience: the music that I heard became immediately more meaningful. Rhythmic sounds resonated differently: church bells, the waves, steps on the pavement. I would relish the moment when I would walk by a church and someone would be playing the organ, beckoning me inside.

I'm extremely grateful that I live in the age where music is most accessible. I wonder how it was in the past, I know to some extent how it was in the past: the music you could listen to was what playing on the radio, or what you had on some physical record. Going back even further, the only music you could listen to were live performances. Or, you can always make your own music. At the same time, I think the complete accessibility to any music recording has also demystified music - there are so many emotions stored into sounds, but if you're always listening to music as some kind of background noise, it can be hard to fully connect to it. Because music is magical this can be reversed if you just stop listening to music all of the time. I don't know what the kids are calling it, rawdogging existence or something.